The ABCs of Helpful Housemates

Many people adding a listing on Cohabitas offer to be a ‘helpful housemate’. We’ve previously written about how helping with Cleaning, Gardening, Childcare and Cooking are frequently offered – usually for free, but being a helpful housemate is a lot broader than that.

Reading the types of help offered by people, what becomes clear is that not only are different people able to offer different skills and support, but that what people need from a housemate can differ greatly. In general we can also see that people over 40 interested in house sharing have quite a lot of life and professional experience and are willing to help others.

With only 50% of people adding this information, we accept that not everyone wants interaction or needs help and support. But it’s also clear that many people understand the relevance and value of being helpful. The type of value can differ widely though. Just look at the A, B, and Cs of being a helpful housemate and how diverse the types of help offered are. This is taken from the last 12 months of housemate listings.

A is for Advice, Any gardening, Anything, and Away a lot.

Offering advice is interesting. It’s not always practical advice either. Some people do offer advice on ‘Anything finance related’, but others offer more emotional and relationship advice. For some that might sound creepy, but for others invaluable.

‘Any gardening or small DIY jobs’ is a practical support, but being ‘Away a lot’ might helpful to those worried about having enough personal space. Having someone working from home 5 days a week and there at weekends can create pressures for some, whereas to others they like the idea that someone is around most of the time, reducing their sense of isolation.

Some helpful housemates just say ‘Anything’. Whist this is probably not true, we think it shows a willingness to help and make the house share work. Knowing someone has this attitude doesn’t mean you need to ask them to help all of the time, but it’s good to know they are willing when needed.

B is for Being mindful of others, for Being upfront about your non-negotiables and for Being yourself.

These things are very interesting to think about. ‘Being considerate and mindful of others’ is a broadly expressed view among more experienced house sharers, if not expressed exactly that way.

However saying you’re being helpful by ‘Being upfront about your non-negotiables’ is also helpful in a different way. We’ve written about the importance of stating what your preferences are upfront and to talk about them early and that is helpful. See our room viewing checklist.

The ’Being yourself’ is helpful in that it comes from the longer suggestion to ‘Be yourself, don’t pretend to be someone you’re not, be open, honest and respectful with your flatmates, most of all be clean :-)’

This focuses on trying to create a longer-term harmonious house share. If you are not being yourself when interacting with flatmates then there will likely be tension. We can pretend to be someone we’re not only for a certain amount of time. The trigger might be a dirty bathroom, an unwelcome comment or something that happened at work that, but the mask will slip and it will be a surprise to the people you share with.

If you’re being yourself, you’ll feel happier and be easier to live with. Maybe you are grumpy in the morning, but as long as you’re consistently grumpy and acknowledge it, then that can work!

C is for Chores, Childcare and Cleaning, but also for Companionship and Community.

The offers of practical help in the home are the more obvious aspect of being a helpful housemate, welcome as they are, but there are other things people find helpful, if not highly valuable.

Here are 3 that illustrate other types of helpful housemate.

‘Clean communal areas’. This is often a bone of contention in a house share; and we’re not just talking about the kitchen and bathroom. Some house shares solve it by having a cleaner to clean a hallway or stairs, but often it gets neglected, to the detriment of everyone’s living conditions. If someone offers to do this it shows they value cleanliness, but also community.

‘Companionship of older and disabled’. This is a difficult one. Professional care exists for a reason as it’s needed due to disability, illness or old age. Many people sharing a home will not want to get involved with the responsibility of caring for someone, even if only for a few hours a week and even if professional care is also arranged. What happens if they need more care in future? What happens if you need to go awa on holiday? You don’t want to feel guilty about leaving them.

But to some, caring comes naturally and they don’t feel it’s a burden. There are some professional carers who house share and who do offer to be a companion to the older or disabled person they share with. But I bet there are many people working in a caring profession who don’t mention it, as they want to get away from work and relax.

But think of the value to someone who is disabled or sick, to not only have professional care, but also to have a chat and a cup of tea with someone from time to time. Once again, set out your boundaries early on and this can be helpful without being too much responsibility.

Last but not least, we spotted someone offering ‘Computer related work, employment tribunals, insurance claims, banking.’ Having someone else look at your banking might seem risky, but some general advice could be useful. An idea of where to get a particular service, or simply to explain something is valuable advice. Help with computer related work would be a real support for many less-computer-able people, and could remove a big source of stress for someone. Once again, it shows a willingness to share a skill or knowledge. It’s practical in a different sort of way.

Help comes in all shapes and sizes. These are just the ABC’s, but you can search for any keyword using the search box in the Housemates section. Try searching gardening, care or cleaning (combined with your city) to see what sorts of housemates are out there and willing to help.

See our previous news article ‘Find a Helpful Housemate’ which shows what are the most regularly offered types of help.